Being a fan is an interesting experience that I have a lot of conflicting feelings about. As a pious kid, I had my share of transferring this feeling of fanhood over many different larger-than-life figures. But as I grew older, there was a sense of disenchantment with this kind of adoration.

I come from the land of hero-worship, where posters of action heroes are bathed in milk and the death of a celebrity causes nationwide mourning and subsequent fan deaths like an aftershock. A relevant idiom back then was "Never meet your heroes". But this proverb became less and less relevant as I started growing into the Big Brother Tech(BBT) era.

As I was confronted by the excesses of fame and fortune, I started to embody more of the "No heroes, no gods" mindset. This changed the way that I consume media.

A youngin Micah brought as much reverence to good music and movies as the process of self-flagellation and "repentance" that my ex-religion required. It made me develop a taste for things that were foundational in the person I am today.

This enchantment with artistic persuasions, helped me be a good writer back then and a relentless consumer, curator and sculptor of what I considered to be "artistic". But the BBT era was truly devastating to this sense of magic where so many things collided

1. Deconstructing my religion

2. Adultification and the vendetta of getting older

3. Inability to consume, curate and sculpt my taste faster than the BBT's ability to produce and create

4. Constant access to these lives that held the mystique of artistry and process before behind locked rooms

5. External validation of my art becoming more important to me than my drive to create

All in all, I have been looking to be enchanted again, and I watched

and could not believe how good Tae-ri Kim was. Not just at an intellectual level, but at an emotional level. This was the kind of resonance that I thought that I long lost.

Then I watched

Her portrayal of an Icarus-like is equal parts heartbreaking and inspiring

Yesterday I watched Little Forest after a months-long duration of not seeing her on screen

The movie starts with a shot of her riding a bicycle down a verdant mountain path and it takes some time before her narration starts. And its been a while since I felt that kind of resonance and that was fun and I am a fan.